There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
