My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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