That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
