I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize