somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
