Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
