I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
