I got chris browned last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
