Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
