very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
