can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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