the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
