Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
