It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
