she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
