Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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