he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
