u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
