I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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