Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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