Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
