he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
do nipples grow back?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
