Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
