I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
