Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
