He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
