I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
