I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
