True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
