I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
