Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
