I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
