I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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