i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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