I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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