I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
