i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
