Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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