i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
