in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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