new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
