I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize