Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So here I am, sexting at work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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