It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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