what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize