wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
