I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
