Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I would fuck him just for his dog
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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