People with herpes should wear stickers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
