The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
