final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
