My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
