I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
