would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
