New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
