You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
