i already hear my dad disowning me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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