R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
