oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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