I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
