I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
