How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
