My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
