Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
time to smoke my breakfast
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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