Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
